Discerning content for Bad Hombres and Nasty Women

Saturday, December 3, 2016

There is a silver lining...

While it was very sad when we lost Florence Henderson last week, the GOOD news is that we finally finished the longest Tic-Tac-Toe game in history!

One day, in physics class...

A college physics professor was explaining a particularly complicated concept to his class when a pre-med student interrupted him. "Why do we have to learn this stuff?" the frustrated student blurted out.

"To save lives," the professor responded before continuing the lecture.

A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does physics save lives?

"The professor stared at the student without saying a word.

"Physics saves lives," he finally continued, "because it keeps the idiots out of medical school."

In this week's "I-NEED-Me-One-Of-These" department...

(Thanks, Debb!)

Some things are just not acceptable

Friday, December 2, 2016

Probably the last dregs of "Random Status Updates" for the rest of the year. As far as you know.

When I die, I would like written on my tombstone, “He was a wanderer and a thinker who acquired knowledge as vast as the worlds he traveled” – instead of the more probable “We told him it wouldn’t work.”


Never celebrity namedrop. 

You know who told me that? Bobby DiNiro.


“Take only pictures, leave only footprints” is a good rule by which to live. Sadly, the security guard at the art gallery wasn’t buying it.


If I were a psychic, I’d go up to random people and boast about my 100% accuracy rate. I’d close with the line, “For instance I see that YOU would never pay me S50 to give you a reading.” So either I’m still batting 1,000, or hey, 50 bucks.


I’m a 65 year-old man. I have a successful, professional career. I even have adult children of my own. But every time I walk down a hallway or stairwell my hand becomes an airplane navigating a difficult course.


I’m in no way advocating actually DOING this, however if you step on someone’s foot, they open their mouth, just like a trash can.


I’d like to think that having a lot of money wouldn’t change me; but on the RARE occasion I’m actually winning at Monopoly, I turn into an absolutely terrible person.


Me: (at the Gates of Hell) “Yes, hi. I was told there was a special place for me here…?”


I used to think that the brain was the most important part of the body. Then I thought, well, yeah. Look who’s telling me that.


So, we've got a real-life crazy billionaire running for President and clowns terrorizing the streets.
Batman, we need you!

The land of Not Yet

The Rock For President, 2020

In an interview with Vanity Fair, Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson said, 
“I wouldn’t rule it out. It would be a great opportunity to help people, so it’s possible. This past election shows that anything can happen.”